MY WIFE HANDED ME A TRAIN TICKET, ON MOVING DAY FOR OUR HONEYMOON AND SAID, "MY COMPANY ONLY GIVES ME TWO BUSINESS CLASS AIR TICKETS, SO MY MOM AND I ARE TRAVELING BY AIR, AND YOU CAN JOIN US BY TRAIN." I WARNED HER, "YOU WILL REGRET THIS," AND MOVED OUT WITH MY LUGGAGE. NOW SHE'S CALLING ME IN A PANIC FROM THE AIRPORT BECAUSE...