Learn how to write Hollywood quality screenplays: https://sales.bigredstripe.com/crucible/?video=vXKve8rbzUI
Let's go through your script: https://learn.bigredstripe.com/pages/consult-all-2021?video=vXKve8rbzUI
One of the biggest issues for screenplays is the screenwriter thinks they have a story when they don't. This is a simple test to help you sort it out.