There’s a lot of loss in the world these days, both in our individual lives and in our broader communities, and with those losses comes grief. Grief is one of the most challenging emotions to be with, and it can be difficult to offer generalized advice because everyone's experience of grief is profoundly unique.
On today’s episode of Being Well, I am joined by one of the world’s leading researchers on grief, Dr. Mary-Frances O’Connor, to help us better understand grief and grieving. We explore why grief is such a unique and intense emotion, how grief works in the brain, the problems with generalized models like the “five stages of grief,” and how we can learn to live with loss.
About Our Guest: Mary-Frances is a neuroscientist, clinical psychologist, and associate professor of psychology at the University of Arizona, where she directs the Grief, Loss and Social Stress Lab, which investigates the effects of grief on the brain and the body. She’s also the author of the wonderful book The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss.
Key Topics:
0:00 Introduction and disclaimer
3:35 Mary-Frances’ personal background
6:55 Distinguishing grief from grieving
9:20 Self-criticism and overfocus on recovery
11:30 Changing how we frame grief as something to get over
13:15 Attachment and our neurological map
17:40 Prediction error
20:00 Complicated grief
25:40 Spiritual practice or a worldview that incorporates death
27:55 Is there a ‘normal’ grieving process?
35:25 Pathology and normal human experience
46:25 Neurological overview of grief in the brain
51:00 The Dual Process Model of Grief
54:20 Sometimes distraction is okay
57:20 Therapeutic practices and learning from grief
1:02:00 Grief and its relationship to love
1:04:50 Recap
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Who Am I: I'm Forrest, the co-author of Resilient (https://amzn.to/3iXLerD) and host of the Being Well Podcast (https://apple.co/38ufGG0). I'm making videos focused on simplifying psychology, mental health, and personal growth.
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