Every experience in life and every encounter with others changes us. We are never the same person again. Narcissistic abuse is no exception.
But you can fully recover and heal from it, albeit a changed, wiser person.
Crisis: a break in the order of things. Leads to disorientation, confusion.
Crisis theory
Maturational crisis
Narcissistic abuse challenges assumptions about the world, people (theory of mind), and relationships (internal working model, IWM):
1. People are rational and self-interested, but most people are good.
2. Justice, order, and structure are fundamental to the universe. Reality and people in it are trustworthy.
3. The world is not hostile. At worst, it is indifferent.
4. One good deed deserves another (vs. no good deed goes unpunished). If you try hard enough and are sincere, things will work out.
5. You gain credit with people when you behave well. This credit is not forgotten, nor ignored.
6. Reality is a shared experience (intersubjectivity). People are very much the same.
7. Being alone is worse than being together.
8. You deserve love.
9. You can trust yourself: your judgment, reality testing, self-love.
10. There is always a way to undo wrong and evil because they are rarely intentional. Regret, remorse, guilt, shame, and conscience are common to all people.
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